His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
