It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
