So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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