it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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