it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
