If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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