Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
