we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
