i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Be still, my beating vagina.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
