I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
