Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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