And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
God I need to hump something, right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
