She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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