I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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