The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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