I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this will be a night to untag.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
