My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
