Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize