my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
