hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
