Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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