Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
