I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we're so committed to being not committed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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