I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think i got beer on your cat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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