My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
