i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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