I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
