I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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