Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
