id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
