whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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