make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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