oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
