Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
