Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
