I can text with my tongue
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
