They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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