dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
