They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
