The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
