Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
