oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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