So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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