The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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