just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
