i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we're so committed to being not committed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
