Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
