i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
