Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize