i barfeds in our rink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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