sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
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