Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
