Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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