Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
