The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
