When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
