I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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