at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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