How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
