When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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