i think my mom watched the whole time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
