He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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