I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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