seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
