Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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