We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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