he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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