Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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