after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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