I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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