so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
