i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
