i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
