You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
