and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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