Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize