forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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