I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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