Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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