Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think my fart just growled at me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
