I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
